The truth about first year - death, lonliness, heartache and loss...

Ok, so I'm totally against this whole blogging thing for Journ... I don't think we can be accurately examined on it, and I don’t think our personal thoughts and opinions should be marked! But anyway, I decided that I'd give in to this demand anyway, and tell my first year story...
After the first 2 or 3 weeks of first term I realised that while nothing was idyllic or perfect here in G-town, it was still going to be a year which would create a life for me, unlike any I had imagined. And at that point of realisation I was beginning to bask in the summers days spent on the lawns, nights out with new and fun friends and nights in, grasping the newfound immensity of late-night work sessions. But at that point of realisation it all came crashing down on me like a wave that had been building up for the 18 years that had been my life so far...

On the 20th of February, a Wednesday, I got up to get ready for my 8:40 Journ lecture, as usual. And then my cell phone rang, which caught me off guard, seeing as I'd already spoken to my mom for the day. The name flashing on my screen was a good friend from high school - Melissa. Strange, I thought to myself, but I still looked forward to hearing a familiar voice!
"Gerry, I'm so sorry I'm calling you so early. It's just that, um, I have to, uh... Kyle, Kyle van Heerden. Georgie saw him on Monday, he came to visit. Last night he was out... The car crashed. He broke his neck instantly. He's dead."
It felt like it had taken Mel hours to finish that sentence, but in the few actual seconds it had taken, my life was ripped away from me. Kyle was not the first person I had known to die, but he was the closest. The only family I had ever lost I'd either never known or was too young to have to deal with their deaths properly.
And then this happened. And I was alone. In a new and vastly strange city. No family. No friends who had known Kyle like I had. Nothing...
But as usual life went on, and each day I managed to cry a little less, I managed to sleep a little more, and I managed to put the pain away into a little box in my heart.

On the 14th of May, a Wednesday, I'd gone to my Journ lecture and was wrapping up with my English one. As I picked up my bag to pack away notes, I felt my cellphone vibrating. Thinking it'd be a message from Mom, I casually opened the sms. It wasn't Mom, it was one of my best friends from school - Zenia. Being used to her random messages reminding me that she loves and misses me, I couldn't quite figure out why all she had said was "Hey my girl... Are you ok?" So I replied, said I was just fine, looking forward to my plans for later that night, but still missing her lots!
Three minutes later she was phoning me, and seeing as I was about to walk out of EG Red's doors I eagerly took the call, looking forward to a catch up session...
"Gezzie my girl, I'm so sorry I have to phone you for this. There was an accident last night. Jords Graham was driving home with Matt from Ruby's. They took a corner too quickly, the car rolled. They didn't make it. Gezzie, Jords is gone. I’m so sorry... Are you going to be ok? I love you so much"

So, it had been four months. And in the first of those four, February, I lost a very good friend and a long-time crush to a car crash. In the third of those four, April, two more of my very good friends wrote their cars off... They survived, thank God. And then the fourth month, and one of the best friends I'd had since grade 11 was taken by another car crash.
And you're thinking that must have been the battle life had wanted me to fight for 2008? Wrong!

My family has always loved animals, and I have never lived in a quiet home thanks to a bird and three amazing dogs. But, turned out that God wanted them too. My bird died of old age during June exams. And then I had to return home in September vac to only one puppy, lonely and depressed after having her 'big brother' put down a few weeks earlier.
While the loss of pets may seem insignificant to some, having only one furry companion and no solace in talking to my little birdie on my shoulder, made life at home seem unrealistic and surreal to me. As if I'd come home to my family, but to the wrong house, at the wrong time, in a completely different place to what had been my 'home'.
Through these personal hardships, I had learned to cope with sorrow and loneliness away from home, without the support of long-time friends and my family.

But I have also had my fair share of troubles here at Rhodes... I applied for a post on RMR, twice. I made it through to the interview stages, twice. I got intimidated, mocked and grilled by the panel, twice. And i got rejected by the station, twice.
All my life I saw myself working on radio, and now for the first time I could go out there and grab a chance to make this dream reality... And I didn't make it. I wasn't what they wanted. My dream was still on hold...
So again, I had to pull myself together, find new reasons to wake up each morning and move on to something else in search of happiness and success.

This term, fourth term, the end. I was convinced that I was entering this term with me, myself and my life as my one and only priority! I was going to work hard, I was going to party how I wanted and when I wanted, I was going to apply and make it onto House Comm for 2009, I was going to study hard and I was going to pass first year and lavish in a well-deserved two month holiday!!!
No, I didn't make it onto House Comm. No, my marks haven't been that great so far. No, I don't think exams are going to be as ok as I had hoped for.

And still it goes on. Last week I lost another good friend, this time to a drug overdose. He overdosed in the early hours of Wednesday morning, and on Saturday I found out that he is now permanently brain damaged. He's never coming back to Rhodes, or any varsity for that matter. He's never going to be able to live a normal life. He's never going to be ok.


So Sim, Alette... you wanted us to find heroes and survivors of first year? Well I think that each and every single one of us has survived our own version of hell-on-earth this year. And I think that every single one of you fellow first year students should stop to take a moment to realise that amongst the greatness of this past year, you have fought many a battle and made it through!
So congratu-*******-lations, no-one will ever understand the extent of first year troubles and just how hard it can get at times for any of us. So far, we've all made it!
Now we just gotta tackle these damn exam papers..................